The Hat's Secret
by Takster
Summary: What happens when Finn's hat is taken off?
1. Chapter 1

All was well in the land of Ooo. The pastures were green, and all the princesses were safe. Finn and Jake were actually rather bored at the moment. They kept trying to best each other at video games, but it got old soon enough. "Hey, man, don't you wish some evil guy would come through a portal from another dimension?" Finn asked. "Nah…" Jake said, half-asleep. "Ah, you're no fun. I'm going to check outside." And Finn did check outside, and to his surprise (or not-surprise) there was in fact, a portal going to who-knows-where. Finn was somewhat disappointed that the bad guy didn't come to him, but he got through it with a stern "Whatever." He quickly rushed inside to grab his backpack and his prized sword, and off he went through the portal.

"GIR! Get me the transverse hydrometer thingamajig!" "Yes, my master." But GIR's dutifulness quickly faded, and he handed Zim a piggy. Zim pressed his palm to his face and got it himself. "There, GIR, the dimensional vortexthingy is complete. Now we just want for things to come to us! Oh yeah, I'm a genius!" Zim did a squeaky victory dance, failing to notice the figure that had already emerged. Therefore, it was quite a shock when the figure said, "Hey! Am I in an alien world or something?" Zim panicked, he had never expected any other humans to come through. "I HAVE A SKIN CONDITION! AND PINKEYE!" "Woah, chill man. It's cool if you're an alien, as long as you're not evil or anything." "Well, I can assure you I'm not trying to eliminate mankind." "Cool, man." "Hey, what's with your hat?" "It's awesome, and the source of my purity and power!" "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FOOL!" "Where?" "You, filthy HYUMAN! GIR! STEAL HIS 'AWESOME' HAT! IT WILL SURELY AID IN OUR CONQUEST!" "YES, MY LORD." Surprisingly, GIR obeyed, and tore the hat off a shocked Finn, revealing a mop of messy blonde hair. "No! I'll die! You don't understand!" Finn yelled, feeling his hair for the first time in many years. "What I understand is that-" "I FEEL THE CORRUPTION ALREADY!" "What I under-" "THE CORRUPTION!" "What-" "CORRUPTION!" "Eh, whatever. Computer, get him out of here." Zim put on the white hat, and the computer promptly tossed Finn and his belongings on the front porch. It was quite a sight to the neighbors. Finn was a sniveling mess, but after an hour or so he became furious and attempted to chop the door down with his sword, to no avail. The house had reinforced itself.

Just then, a kid with funny hair dressed in a ninja outfit walked by and saw a much taller kid, perhaps the same age, banging on Zim's door. "Hey, uh, what happened?" "My hat… was stolen." Finn said gravely.


	2. Chapter 2

"Wait, so you save princesses and kill monsters and have a stretchy talking dog?" Dib blinked. This kid sounded crazier than most thought Dib himself was.

"Yeah man. That's the gist." Finn looked rather unfazed. It all made perfect sense, at least to him.

"And Zim took your hat? What's so special about it? Why are you so concerned about it?"

"That hat makes me the hero I normally am. Without it, I am just a normal human. Well, not normal. An oracle once told me that I was pure evil without that thing, and I'd destroy the world or something." Finn awkwardly touched his ungroomed blonde hair, seeming to be shocked by its texture.

Dib stroked his imaginary beard. "Okay, I'll help you get it back. But I need something from you. You need to help me prove to the entirety of Earth that Zim is an alien."

"Sounds easy enough, but why would you need to prove it? Aliens are real, just like dragons, spirits, and zombies."

Dib blinked.

Jake woke, scratching his bottom as he did so. "Finn? Buddy? Man?" he called, receiving no reply.

"Ugh, there he goes. Off adventuring… without me."

The canine stretched, and slithered out of the window of the treehouse. There was nothing except grass in every direction, well, except for a swirling vortex due north.

"Bingo," Jake grumbled and he glided to it. He flew straight into the vortex, because where else could his friend be? They always went to the most dangerous places they could, and it was usually fun. But sometimes… sometimes it was horrifying.

Zim looked in the mirror. He was wearing this legendary hat, and… nothing was happening. He frowned. "GIR, status?"

"THERE'S A PUPPY!"

Zim brought his palm to his face and walked to the machine. There he saw an orange dog, who was looking about while standing on two legs.

"Computer… take care of this for me. Please." Zim pinched the space between his eyes as Jake was promptly scooped up by a mechanical arm and transported elsewhere.

Zim smiled happily. A kind of smile unheard of him. But he did anyway. Why? Even Zim himself could not say.

"Aww man," Jake groaned, rubbing his chafed behind. But overall the experience was a good one as Finn was sitting on the curb directly outside of the strange-looking house he was kicked out of.

"FINN! THERE YOU ARE!" Jake rushed up to Finn, panting. It took him a while to notice a key detail. "Where's your hat?"

"Oh, the alien back there took it man."

"Well then, let's get it! And go home. This place is giving me the creeps. I mean, another HUMAN is sitting right next to you? What a sight."

Finn nodded readily and looked up at Jake. "Yeah, we should get back before I get all evil and weird."

"Is that a talking dog?" Dib asked as he took a photograph.


End file.
